I’m Buried and I Can’t Dig Out

When I’ve needed a pep talk the most is typically when I have the most trouble giving one to myself, and that has been the case lately.  My situation has been so difficult and yet personal on several levels, I’ve had no words.  Even now, I don’t want to expose all the details of my struggle.  Don’t we all have at least a little something that we could complain about, if we really wanted to grumble?

Here’s the gist of my dilemma:  God hates complaining, and I have trouble knowing how to write sometimes without feeling that I’m partly airing grievances while tacking on a word of faith at the end.

And right now I don’t feel at all like a victorious Christian, although I believe that I am.  I’m clueless about how things are going to work themselves out, which is a very helpless feeling.  I don’t know what to do!

My hope is in Jesus and all He accomplished for me on the cross. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Here’s one detail:  I just moved into this lovely, spacious apartment three weeks ago.  And because of the toxic air that even the landlord acknowledges, I must move.  Yes, they need to take responsibility; but if they don’t fully own it, I’m not capable of covering for their mishap at the moment.

And, Lord, where should we live?  I feel a little lost mostly for that reason.  I haven’t recovered from the recent move, and I’m physically disadvantaged because my arms and hands, which are permanently injured, are weakened and hurt more than usual.  So I don’t know where in the world to move and I don’t know how on earth I can achieve it apart from the management paying for me to be packed and moved, as I believe is only fair.

Here’s the pep talk part of this entry:  I have no doubt that this trial will ultimately work for my good because God is my Lord; I’m not trying to do my own thing.  (Right now I wonder if I have already somehow made a departure from God’s path; but since I’m not walking in any area of habitual sin that I’m aware of or trying to fulfill my own agenda, I’m inclined to believe I’m on the right track.)

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Romans 8:28

New King James Version (NKJV)

²⁸ And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

 

 

The Fog Lifted, and I’d Forgotten What Was There

Life has been clouded a bit by the pressure of challenging circumstances, which I know is typical of the human experience.  Sometimes I get so caught up in trying to just keep up with the day-to-day grind, I miss out on the good stuff.

Then suddenly God blesses me with a moment of grace, and I remember to just take a breath.  When I exhale, the fog is pushed away, and I see that God has given me opportunities to love. Being an expression of God’s love is more important than anything else I keep myself busy doing.

It’s past time for me to pray more.  A few years ago, I didn’t have the same level of responsibility; and I had the joy of reading spiritual volumes and the Bible and of worshipping to my heart’s content.  Now I have little people counting on me and Jesus as my only partner.  But I’ve been forgetting to communicate with the One who says He’ll be my husband and father and mother when I have none.

Frankly, it’s embarrassing to admit that I’ve been living in a fog and carrying around wrong attitudes that lead to impatience with others.  But I know I’m not the only person with these struggles.  I believe the blessing of this hole I’ve dug for myself is that I can share the victory God gives to me as I climb to high ground.

These are the faces of the little ones God is giving me the clear blessing of helping to raise.  They are what I see when the haze clears.  I pray that the fog will be a lot more intermittent than it has been of late.

Where to Begin?

I’m going to throw myself a line here and blog the pep talks I give myself in order to pull out of the rutted areas of my life.  I need to enjoy the outdoors more and let the kids do the same.  I need to eat healthy foods and lose a whole heck of a lot of weight. I need to pursue my dream of writing inspiring books.  I need to pray more and worship God more.

Encouragement Comments

The longest journey ever taken began with that first step.  So my first step in this journey toward rutless living is to remind myself that life is short and I shouldn’t sacrifice the joys of life that only balance can bring.  I can be healthy and fit, and it’s a  wonderful thing to get hooked on physical exercise of one kind or another.  I bought Michael Jackson the Experience for our XBox 360 Kinect because I always thought it would be fun to have Michael Jackson moves.  I love to dance, and it’s the best way for me to exercise.  But the experience isn’t all I hoped it would be.

So what do I need to do to get moving?  Whatever it is, I absolutely must spend 20 minutes minimum every single day either walking, following along with my old aerobics tape that helped me get fit in the past, or dancing to tunes.  Okay?  So starting today I shall make excuses no more.

□  Done!  I went walking, pushing Aubrianna in her stroller.  In 30 minutes, I feel better already.  You’d have to know just how sedentary I’ve been and for how long to understand!