Tag Archives: Support Groups

Not Caring is Like Falling Off a Log

29 Apr

My goal: Get back to glowing health.

Not caring is so easy. For instance, if I don’t really care that I’m overweight, I don’t have to go through all the bother, sweat, and sacrifice to lose weight.  However, I believe I do care; but apparently not enough to get started today or even first thing tomorrow with a proper diet and fat-burning exercises.

I was asking myself what in life I truly don’t mind bothering about.  What would I go to any lengths to do?  And I was relieved to discover that I had an answer.  There is one thing I will always go out of my way to do, and that is to ensure that my heart is free and open for communication with God.

So while I think I may get heavenly kudos for caring about my relationship with God above all else, I’m starting as of now to pray desperately for help in desiring to be fit.  I need the kind of desire that motivates me to take action.

I’ve posted a photo of me when I was at my top physical shape, and I don’t believe I’ve ever looked better in my life.  That has sparked a bit of motivation to lose weight.  And then some female friends from the neighborhood I grew up in contacted me recently, wanting to get together.  I don’t want them to see me like this; in my opinion, I look like a hot mess, in a bad way.

It’s time to rouse myself with daily pep talks about establishing new eating and exercising habits.  Before it happens, God’s going to have to answer my prayer and inject me with a mind that sincerely gives a care.


I’m a Broken Person, and the Chipped Places are Exposed

15 Apr

I dropped my favorite large cooking spoon today, and the ceramic handle broke.  I started to throw it away, but realized later that I can simply superglue the broken piece on.  It’s completely salvageable, though it will always have a missing piece that chipped of.  It occurred to me tonight that I’m like that spoon.

Cover of "A Walk to Remember"

Cover of A Walk to Remember

I was broken at a very young age.  A victim of sexual abuse as a pre-schooler, at the hands of an uncle, I seem to be even more deeply affected by the rejection of my mother.  She was a delightful person and a lot of fun to be around, but she and I couldn’t be more different.  I was like one of those barn animals that the mother rejects and someone else has to take care of it.

Thank the good Lord for the fact that my dad was an absolutely amazing person and perhaps the world’s best dad.  He died at the age of 45, and I still miss him like crazy.

The reason I’m thinking about how broken I am is because I watched a movie today called “A Walk to Remember.”  There’s a teenager in the movie who lives a devout, sincere life.  She knows she is loved and is confident in herself in a way that I haven’t been since my very young days, when I was a real toot (in a good way).  The character is also confident in God.

Watching the show simply reminded me that I hope someday to have that self-assurance that comes not from pride but from knowing with full assurance that I am as worthy of being loved as everyone else.  I’m God-confident but not as self-confident as I know I’d be if that chip wasn’t missing.